Imposter Syndrome: When Feeling Inadequate Appears To Be The Problem

But The Real Issue Is The Exact Opposite

After just a few years on the force, “Dana” is a member of the special operations division.

She was a top shot in her class and remains a high performer in everything she does.

Dana loves the hunt—the dopamine release when she’s finally caught her prey. She marks her accomplishment as another tick mark and begins another hunt.

Unfortunately, Dana’s tired. She’s tired of chasing and tired of the feelings of inadequacy that feed her pursuit. She just wants to be “normal” without imposter syndrome. Sorry Dana, there is no such thing as “normal”.

“But I like chasing because I want to be better, I want to be a high performer, I want to be better. I need more skills.”

“Of course you do, because there’s a payoff when you do. You feel better about yourself, right up until there’s nothing left to chase. Then your mind starts telling you the I’m-not good-enough story and begins looking for something else to achieve. And the cycle continues.”

High performers like Dana think their fear is what motivates them. No, your fear is what beats you down. That’s why you’re in therapy.

Imagine this…

You’re running a dog sled race, and you whip the dogs to run faster. You win the race, but the dogs are too beat down, tired, and sore to race again.

Alternatively, you hang a piece of meat in front of their faces (be creative) that they chase after and get to eat when they win.

Who’s in a stronger position to race again?

The issue for Dana isn’t that she lacks the skills to improve, it’s that she doesn’t know how to use her skills to improve her feelings of lack.

Dana’s challenge isn’t that she feels inadequate, it’s that she’s inadequate at feeling.

She’s always chasing. Always pursuing. Always focused on what’s next, not on what’s here. Always looking where she wants to go while ignoring where she already is. She thinks she’s chasing the next big achievement, but she’s really running from herself.

Emotional avoidance is probably the number one reason people come into therapy. They want to stop feeling depressed. Be happier. Feel more connected with their spouse (and therefore stop feeling alone). The thing is, not one of these feelings can exist on their own; they must co-exist with their opposite. You can’t have love without fear, sadness without joy, depression without elation. Emotions don’t exist in a vacuum. Sure, sometimes unwanted emotions are more pronounced but trying to get rid of them will never happen. The next article for paid subscribers will look more closely at emotional avoidance and what Dana can do.