The Source of Your Validation Is Working Against You

𝘈𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 consider the source.

Most people spend a majority of their waking hours—sometimes years!—trying to be understood by people who 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀.

They seek validation, praise, or any number of acknowledgements from people who don’t dedicate the time, effort, or emotional investment in something as important as themselves, and yet here they are seeking their acceptance.

Does this make sense to you?

All that time you spend:

❌ over-explaining yourself

❌ trying to articulate how you feel

❌ justifying your decisions

❌ rationalizing your boundaries

...in hopes that the other person “sees” you—a person who can’t even name their own feelings, let alone validate yours—is zapping your energy. 

It's a cycle that 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗴𝘆 and 𝗱𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵.

But what if we shifted our focus? What if, instead of desperately seeking external validation, we turned inward and became our own ardent supporters? Imagine the freedom that comes from understanding and accepting yourself, regardless of what others “get.”

✅  Stop giving other people your power.

✅  Stop waiting for others to define your worth.

𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺, 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.

The truest understanding and deepest acceptance you'll ever find is in yourself.

Here are 3 action steps to reclaim your power:

1. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗦𝗟𝗟𝗦: In the SEAL Teams, the first thing you do after being dropped off by a helo in the middle of nowhere is stop - look - listen - smell (side note: EVERYTHING smelled like a mix of feces and burnt rubber). Doing this allowed us to attune to the environment, gain situational awareness, and get a lay of the land that we couldn’t get from imagery. What this means for you is to dedicate 10-15 minutes daily to truly listen to yourself. Journal about your feelings without judgment, identify your core values, pinpoint what truly brings you joy and what drains you, and then use those values as a guiding framework to tackle your most important objectives. Ask yourself: "What do I really want and need in this moment?" This isn't about analyzing others, but deeply listening to and understanding your own internal environment.

2. 𝗘𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗶𝘀𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗘𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗕𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀: Identify one area where you frequently over-explain or justify yourself to others (e.g., your time, your decisions, your emotional capacity). Then, consciously set a firm boundary in that area, communicating it clearly and concisely without explanation or apology. Practice saying "no" when it aligns with your needs, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

3. 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗥𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝘀: Intentionally praise and acknowledge yourself for small and large accomplishments, wise decisions, or even just showing up for yourself. This could be a daily affirmation, a mental pat on the back, or a physical act of self-care. The goal is to build an internal system of appreciation and approval that becomes less reliant on external sources.

Stop outsourcing your self-worth.