Feeling Stuck? Wake Up Your Mind By Doing This

When The Mind Shuts Down, Use The Body To Wake It Up

“Hallie” came into therapy because she was feeling stuck and didn’t know what to do. As a first responder of over 20 years, she’s seen and done a lot, but nothing prepared her for what she experienced at the hand of her own department: betrayal.

The dirty little secret in certain first responder communities is the me, me, me mentality.

There’s no trust and no shared purpose, there’s only my purpose and what can you do for me?

There’s no trust when you know some officers park their car behind a building for eight hours hoping to avoid responding to any calls.

And there’s no trust when you do exactly what your supervisor asked of you, only to be thrown under the bus when he asks, “Why did you do that?”

The amount of loneliness in policing, for example, is more than people can fathom, and Hallie was about to experience it firsthand.

She came to our office because she was stuck. In fact, she was so stuck that all seemed hopeless. She didn’t want to do anything to get herself out of it, didn’t want to try anything new because to her, what was the point? If these feelings of hopelessness and despair always come back, then why try?

And this was exactly Hallie’s problem: she was fighting her anxiety and depression rather than embracing them (see my previous article on why control isn’t the solution to understand more).

Hallie’s problem ran deeper than her anxiety about work. She was so caught up in her mind that her mind was on worry-autopilot and her nervous system was in freeze mode, as shown below:

Without getting into the nitty gritty of polyvagal theory (at least, not yet), basically how it works is this. Your autonomic nervous system responds to the challenges of the day with messaging that tells you how you are, not what or who you are. It helps you manage risk and create connection by adapting its physiological state to a place of safety and security. Sometimes this connection is healthy, sometimes it isn’t. For Hallie to stay connected (to safety and security), her mind decided the best course of action was to ruminate on the events because doing so felt like it gave her more control over the outcome. This, in turn, also helped her feel like she was mitigating future risk because, after all, more rumination = more control, right?

HELL no.

More rumination = more rumination. That’s when you get stuck. That’s when your nervous system enters freeze mode and you’re driven by fear. The filter through which you view the world is tainted (yup, I said it) with fear and avoidance rather than love and acceptance.

And when I say acceptance, I’m not saying you need to accept the conditions of what happened or the forces that caused it. Acceptance, in this case, means acknowledgement. Making room for those uncomfortable feelings of hopelessness and despair and working alongside them, not against them. Because as I’ve said before: what we resist, persists.

Getting Unstuck

We know the same thinking that created this anxiety cannot be the same thinking that gets her out. So, here’s the trick…

When your mind shuts down, use your body to wake it up.

You can use rational thought to change how you think about xyz, but if that doesn’t work, then you must change your behavior. Here’s a quick video that explains why:

But Does It Work?

After four months of feeling stuck, Hallie can now “move.” She’s back to exercising, doing family activities, and enjoying life because she realized she can’t (i.e. doesn’t want to) feel this way forever. She’s accepted things are not ideal and decided to move on with them instead of fighting against them. If Hallie can do it, so can you. Here are some strategies to consider:

Habit stacking. If starting a brand-new habit feels intimidating, the good news is you don’t have to. Habit stacking is when you build new habits on top of old ones, so there’s less start-up energy required. For example, if you drink coffee in the morning, you might do 10 bodyweight squats while it brews. You’ve just stacked a new habit (squats) on top of your old one (making coffee). Or, while you wait for the water to heat up in the shower, you might drop down and do pushups or hold a plank for 30 seconds. Again, stacking a new habit on top of an old one.

Move, Move, Move. One study found that just 2.5 hours of walking per week was associated with an 18% lower risk of depression. Moreover, the big heads in this study estimated that if people adhered to the minimum 150 minutes of moderate activity per week as recommended, then roughly 12% of all cases of depression would go away. As I said in my book, it doesn’t matter what direction you move in when you’re taking enemy fire. Just move.

Connect. Physical movement is important because it helps you (re)connect with yourself. The same can be said for your relationships, too. Just doing things together—anything—is another type of movement that breeds greater connection, and when you’re feeling stuck, hopeless, or anxious, the last thing you need is more alone time. However, I’m not advocating activity as a distraction strategy here. You still must get to the root cause of those unwanted feelings (which is one reason why people may oppose the behaviorist approach I’m advocating for her), but you can do so from a stronger position; a place of greater willingness than a place of stuckness.

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