The Myth of Absolute Independence

On July 4th, Americans across the nation gather to celebrate a profound ideal: independence.

Flags wave, fireworks light up the sky, bottle rockets blast off right before the police come.

We also commemorate the courage of those who declared freedom from colonial rule. I was watching a documentary on war last week and it reminded me of the powerful, unifying narrative the 4th of July represents. It’s the story of people asserting their autonomy, charting their own course. Free agents.

While people chase self-reliance and sovereignty, there’s a quiet paradox below the surface here:

Does true, absolute independence truly exist? Or, is it a myth we tell ourselves so we continue striving, while in the meantime all of our doings are subtly woven into an interconnected web of (inter)dependence?

My contention is that there is no such thing as absolute independence. From the moment we’re born to the most complex global interactions (e.g.,, war), we are inextricably linked, always relying on something or someone else.

Independence, in its purest, most isolated form, is an illusion. Rather, it is in the nuanced dance between self-determination and mutual reliance that we find our true strength and define our place in the world.

This is why this quote is so true:

“If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together”

Because unburdened by the need for consensus, compromise, or coordination, one individual can certainly make quick sprints in the short term. But he or she lacks the long game of togetherness. True strength, resilience, and lasting impact are almost always a product of togetherness. In the face of adversity, mutual reliance offers support and resilience, preventing burnout and fostering a sense of shared purpose. Here’s an example…

The Individual: A Web of Unseen Support

Let's start with the individual. The rugged individualist, the self-made man (or woman), the one who pulls themselves up by their bootstraps—these are all cherished archetypes in many cultures. Heroes to look up to and role model. We admire resilience, self-sufficiency, and the ability to stand alone. But look closer. Can you really claim you got to wherever you are alone?

Consider the act of being born. We enter the world utterly dependent, relying on caregivers for every breath, every meal, every moment of comfort and safety. As we grow, this dependence shifts, but it never vanishes. Our education, from learning to speak to mastering a trade, relies on teachers, institutions, and the accumulated knowledge of generations. The food we eat, the clothes we wear, the roof over our heads—these aren’t conjured from thin air by our individual will. They are the products of vast, interconnected systems: farmers, manufacturers, transporters, retailers, and the complex economic frameworks that enable their operations.

Even our thoughts don’t entirely belong to us. Our language, our cultural norms, our understanding of the world are shaped by the societies we inhabit, the conversations we have, the books we read, and the media we consume. Our very identity is often forged in relation to others—as a child, a parent, a friend, a colleague, a citizen. We define what is by what it isn’t.

To be truly independent would mean to exist in a vacuum, devoid of history, culture, and human interaction. Such an existence isn’t life; it’s isolation, and ultimately, it’s impossible. Our personal journeys aren’t solo expeditions; they’re collaborative ventures, built on the foundations laid by countless others.

Nations and the Global Fabric: Beyond the 4th of July

The concept of national independence offers perhaps the clearest example of this paradox. When the United States declared its independence in 1776, it was a monumental assertion of sovereignty, a rejection of external control. Yet, even then, this nascent nation was dependent. It relied on alliances (France, in particular), trade routes for essential goods, and the intellectual currents of the Enlightenment that fueled its revolutionary ideals.

Fast forward to today, and the intricate web of global interdependence is undeniable. While the U.S. remains a sovereign nation, its so-called "independence" is deeply intertwined with its relationships with other countries:

• Economic dependence

• Trade and resources

• Alliances and security

• Global networks

• Environmental interdependence

This level of interdependence even goes beyond the nation level to permeate the systems we encounter daily:

• Technological Ecosystems: The smartphone in your hand is a marvel of engineering, but it's also a testament to global dependence. Its components come from dozens of countries, its software relies on open-source contributions from thousands of developers worldwide, and its functionality is predicated on a vast network of cellular towers, satellites, and data centers. No single entity "independently" created or sustains this device; it is a product of a collaborative, distributed network.

• Ecological Systems: Nature itself provides the ultimate masterclass in interdependence. Ecosystems are intricate food webs where every species, from the smallest microbe to the largest predator, plays a role and depends on others for survival. The collapse of one species can have cascading effects throughout an entire ecosystem, demonstrating the delicate balance of mutual reliance.

• Knowledge and Innovation: Human progress, from scientific breakthroughs to artistic movements, is fundamentally cumulative. Isaac Newton famously said:

"If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants."

Every new discovery, every innovative solution, every piece of art builds upon the knowledge, theories, and creative expressions of those who came before. We are dependent on the intellectual inheritance of humanity.

Thus the irony about celebrating independence on July 4th as an assertion of self-governance simultaneously highlights the ongoing, evolving nature of global interdependence. It's not about being free from others, but about being free to engage with others on one's own terms while also relying on them the whole time. It’s not the space of either/or that defines us, but the shared space of both/and.

The Shadow Side of 'Independence': When It Becomes Avoidance

While the pursuit of independence can be a noble aspiration for self-reliance and autonomy, it sometimes masks a deeper, less acknowledged motive: personal avoidance. For some, the desire for "independence" isn't about genuine self-sufficiency, but rather a strategic retreat from the complexities, vulnerabilities, and demands that come with true connection and engagement.

I see this all the time in the therapy room. Clients fiercely claiming their independence yet showing up feeling sad, depressed, and alone and they can’t figure out why. Emotional avoidance is the #1 cause for therapy (at least in the cases I’ve seen). People want to be independent of any uncomfortable thoughts or feelings but forget they depend on the comfortable ones that motivate them or make them feel happy. They forget that the yin can’t exist without the yang.

See how this fight for independence (from such thoughts, emotions) only incites a larger emotional fire? You were never “independent” to begin with and you never will be.

Consider how this plays out:

• Avoidance of Other People: The idea of being "independent" can become a shield against the messiness of human relationships. Fear of judgment, conflict, rejection, or the inherent vulnerability required for intimacy can drive individuals to minimize their social ties, preferring solitude under the guise of self-reliance. This isn't true independence, which allows for chosen connection; it's a form of self-imposed isolation, a way to avoid the emotional labor and potential pain of interdependence. It’s living in fear.

• Avoidance of Emotions: True independence doesn't mean being free from emotions, especially difficult ones. Yet, many aspire to an emotional stoicism, believing that to be "independent" means to be unaffected by sadness, anger, fear, or grief. This often leads to emotional suppression, a detachment from one's own inner world and the experiences that shape it. Authentic independence involves acknowledging and processing emotions, not avoiding them by creating an emotional wall.

• Avoidance of Places and Responsibilities: Sometimes, the urge to be "independent" manifests as a desire to escape challenging circumstances, commitments, or places. This could be seen in someone who constantly changes jobs or locations to avoid long-term responsibilities, or who refuses to commit to a community. While genuine freedom of movement and choice are important, when this pattern is driven by a fear of being tied down, of facing difficult realities, or of contributing to something larger than oneself, it leans more towards avoidance than true liberation.

In these instances, the aspiration for "independence" becomes a misdirection, a comfortable narrative to justify a withdrawal from the very experiences that foster growth, connection, and deeper understanding.

Genuine strength doesn't come from avoiding the world, people, or challenges. Strength comes from facing and engaging with them, navigating the inherent dependencies, and finding resilience within.

The Power in Acknowledged Dependence

If absolute independence is a myth, then what does that mean for our aspirations and our future? It means that true strength lies not in denying our dependencies, but in acknowledging and strategically navigating them. Here’s how:

• Collaboration. Recognizing shared challenges and mutual reliance encourages cooperation over isolation.

• Empathy and Understanding: When we understand that our well-being is tied to the well-being of others, it cultivates empathy and a broader perspective. It helps us see beyond narrow self-interest to the collective good.

• Resilience: The longest study on happiness (85 years) conducted by Harvard found social fitness (i.e., connection) to be the number one determinant of a happy life, not money, fame, job, or social club status.

The pursuit of "independence" often inspires us to strive for self-improvement, to overcome obstacles, and to assert our unique identity. However, the ultimate realization is that such a journey unfolds within a vast, interconnected universe. We aren’t solitary islands, but integral parts of a grand, evolving ecosystem–social, economic, political, and environmental. This is even more pronounced today as it was back in 1776.

So, as we celebrate the spirit of independence, let us also celebrate the fact that independence doesn’t exist without dependence, which really begs the question, “does independence exist at all?”

This Fourth of July, Let’s celebrate the spirit of strength, resiliency, and self-determination that independence represents while also acknowledging the belongingness, mutual reliance, and interconnection that we all depend on.